Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Celery Magazine

There is a magazine in Toronto called Celery. It claims to be a "celebration of words, images and ideas by people dedicated to the rejuvenation of the arts, fashion, music and culture in and around the city of Toronto."

All I can say is keep it on your side of the border, Canada!


1) Boycott the magazine
2) Write letters to the editor and ask them to change the name of the magazine to something better like Eggplant or Baby Spring Mix Lettuce or Water Chestnut.
3) Begin a grassroots letter writing campaign for this magazine to be put on a watch list for border guards.
4) Encourage your Canadian friends to write letters to influential government officials to exert Celery magazine to change its name.

I would like to say that the LSC as a group is not unreasonable. We are not asking that Celery shut its doors for good. All we want is for them to cease and desist until that time that they can relaunch their magazine with a new title.

Please do what you can to help.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Can Organic Celery Cause Cancer?

According to an article at Front Page Magazine, celery produces carcinogens when it comes under attacks from insects. It's a defense mechanism. (So, people, please stop calling celery a "defenseless vegetable".)

So, now you get to choose between chemically-coated celery or carcinogenic celery. Tough choice.

A better choice is just avoid it all. Do the right thing, buy carrots or maybe a nice parsnip or okra. Just say NO to celery.

Photo credit: jasminedelilah

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Trader Joe's Celery Stick Recall


Ready Pac is voluntarily recalling some of their celery that is packaged with peanut butter. These are sold in Trader Joe's and other groceries.

You can read the story at the OCRegister.

(Read between the lines, people! They claim it's because of the peanut butter but we're currently investigating the real reason. It's either a significantly more dangerous genetically engineered celery that was released by accident OR we have some insider executives at Ready Pac who are helping us. I'll do my best to find out more!)

Bad Gift Idea

If you're looking for a REALLY BAD GIFT IDEA, how about some celery-stamped gift wrap? Not only is this ugly, but where do you think the juice from the celery will go? It will permeate your gift wrap and could possibly also go so far as to ruin the gift inside.

So please, people, use celery responsibly which is NOT AT ALL.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Why I Left California

California produces 75% of the celery that is grown in the United States. I had no idea when I moved there. In fact, I lived right in the middle of the biggest celery producing area. The celery fields were apparently cleverly disguised as strawberry fields. They had tiny roadside stands with strawberries and sweet-looking little women who would sell these crates of beautiful, succulent berries.

It turns out all along I was surrounded by celery and as soon as I realized it, I left. Nobody should have to put up with that.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Vegetable Orchestra

The Vegetable Orchestra, while interesting, fascinating and talented, are still abusers of that smelly salad vegetable we all love to hate. Celery bongos. Seriously.

On top of that, they use 155 pounds of vegetables per show that people in Africa could be eating. Except the celery.

If you want to see the Vegetable Orchestra, please call ahead and see if they are using the celery bongos in the show that night. If so, we at the LSC request that you boycott the show. If not, you can go as long as you donate a bag of rice or something to a starving foreign country. Or for that matter, a starving domestic country.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Down with Wilmington Blue Rocks and Mr. Celery

Minor league baseball is today's major offender. Not only do they tolerate celery in the confines of their city... they actively promote it.

Gird your loins and then go over and read the article about Mr. Celery.

Don't lose heart, people. We will not go down without a fight.

Citizens of Wilmington, we beg you. PLEASE STOP THE MADNESS.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Boycott Duda Farms

Duda Farm has apparently bioengineered celery to grow into a tube-shaped straw. It's not enough to have to suppress regular celery, but now to have to deal with bioengineered abominations such as CELERY STRAWS??

So, please, people... celery is still celery no matter what freakish shape it's grown in. Don't eat it. Don't suck Blood Mary drinks through it. You know they are just trying to fool you.

Give up, Duda Farms. We are on to you!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Running Man Nearly Killed by Celery

Today I discovered another near-victim of the devil's vegetable. Poor Jason was going out for a jog when he was nearly strangled by a piece of celery.

DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN, EVEN FOR A MOMENT. Learn from Jason's mistake. Be vigilant, be alert, stay alive!

Photo credit: Sturmey Archer

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Celery and Pheromones

The following information will probably deeply disturb most of you as it did me. In fact, I think I might have to take a week off from posting on this blog because I am so disgusted and disheartened.

There is talk going around that you can use celery as an aphrodisiac by eating it and then it will give off a scent that apparently drives women wild.

As a result of irresponsible people passing these rumors around the Internet there are a whole bunch of strange men racing around trying to collect sweat out of their smelly armpits in order to get women to like them.

This is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start. And so, brave League members, I have to say in my moment of weakness I will just point you to the evidence and then go to bed. I hope I can find my strength again tomorrow.

My apologies.

Photo credit: Eliya

Friday, January 2, 2009

Celery Comes with Warning Labels in Europe

Those nice folks over the European Union are slightly more advanced that we Americans when it comes to warning the public about the dangers of celery.

In some countries of the EU, such as France, Germany and Switzerland, celery is one of the most common foods to cause allergic reactions in adults, much like peanuts in the U.S.

In fact, it's SO dangerous there that since November 2005, a food labeling rule was established that requires that pre-packaged food sold in the UK and EU be clearly marked as containing celery if the ingredients contain any amount of celery.

You can read more about it at the Food Standards Agency.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy Celery-Free New Year!

Here's wishing you a celery-free New Year!

Do you have any resolutions? At least one should include living completely celery free. Another should include promoting the celery-free lifestyle among friends and family.

Activism starts at home, people!

Let's make a big difference in 2009!