Celery Stays on "Dirty Dozen" List for 2013

As you know, we make it very clear all the ways that celery is bad -- even dangerous.  One of these ways is our yearly monitoring of EWG's "Dirty Dozen" report.

The 2013 report was just released and, again (no surprise), celery is on the list at #2.

Don't take our word for it, you can read about it directly from the Environmental Working Group's summary. Scroll down to find the "Dirty Dozen" and also their other feature the "Clean Fifteen."

We would also like to remind you we have been pointing this out as a potential problem as early as January of 2009 and again in July of the same year.  You can read those articles below:

Can Organic Celery Cause Cancer?
Beware of New Zealand Celery

Don't think you can get around it by eating organic.  The only way to stay truly safe is to not eat it at all.  JUST SAY NO.

Stay safe out there, people.

Will Forte Sold His Soul to the Devil

Will Forte, famous for his antics on Saturday Night Live, sold his soul to the devil for his success.  But don't take my word for it.  It's clearly stated in a recent expose by Jake Coyle, entertainment writer for Associated Press.

In an article at Huffington Post, Forte admits that his mother was horrified by it. As she should be.  I'm sure because she raised him better than that.  If you're going to debase yourself and humiliate your mother you might as well go with something respectable like a carrot or a nice, firm zucchini squash.

If you're not utterly convinced that Will Forte will do anything for money you can see the evidence yourself here:   Celery Scene from MacGruber

Adding insult to injury, Forte goes on to actually eat the celery.

(Please do not watch if you have some kind of emotional infirmity. Or a pacemaker. Or are at work.)

Unsung Heroine: Mallory Ortberg

Mallory Ortberg recently penned a beautiful article in response to The NY Times' outrageous claims that celery is good for you.

Not only should Ms. Ortberg be praised for her bold stand against celery-usage, but also for her eloquence in such a call to arms.

Thank you, Ms. Ortberg for your dedication to the anti-celery cause.  We at The League for the Suppression of Celery salute you.

Article can be found here: gawker.com

That Woman

That woman who wrote THE LEAGUE FOR THE SUPPRESSION OF CELERY is over at Drey's Library spouting off about stuff. And giving away a book.

http://www.dreyslibrary.com/2013/01/02/januarys-featured-author-is-wendy-russ/

Full of Lies

It has come to our attention there is a book recently published that makes a mockery of everything we believe in.

This cannot, will not, must not be tolerated.

We currently have operatives in Arkansas investigating the situation and will report back as soon as we hear anything.

Until then, don't believe anything you read out there. This blog is the only source for THE REAL TRUTH about celery, not these other posers who might try to deceive you.

Do not be mislead by the pretty words or idyllic covers that lull you into a false sense of security.

Celery Car

A concerned citizen living in the northeastern part of the United States has brought the abomination to our attention:

We at the LSC have no idea what this is, but we can guarantee we have operatives checking into it.  Is it a child's toy?  Is it a horrific peanut butter delivery system?

Remember, it's insidious methods like this that people use to indoctrinate children into thinking celery is fun. CELERY IS NOT FUN.

Dangerous Strain of Celery

In the mid 80's scientists developed a new strain of celery that turned out to cause horrible reactions in the workers who had to pick it.

You can read more about it at New Scientist magazine.

Do you think you were harmfully affected by this plant in the 80's? Contact me about arranging a class action suit against celery growers.

There's another article about it here.

Photo credit: Stevie Lee