Friday, May 30, 2014

Celery High Risk for Transferring Listeria

Recently the Journal of Food Protection published a study that shows the risk of contamination of the Listeria bacteria and subsequent growth during storage.

"Mitigation strategies during dicing and proper refrigeration are essential to minimizing potential health risks associated with diced celery."

The disease Listeriosis (caused from the aforementioned bacterium) causes gastrointestinal illness. In some cases you can get a blood or brain infection. Infections in early pregnancy can cause miscarriage; in late pregnancy stillbirth or death of the newborn.  Listeria infection has different manifestations depending on the organ it infects.  In short, don't mess around with Listeria.

The takeaway here is, first of all, don't eat celery.  Second, if you feel compelled to dance with the devil, at least, for God's sake, dice your own.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Boycott: Beyonce

Beyonce claims that she got back in shape with the help of celery seed after the birth of her baby.  We are pretty sure it was probably healthy diet and exercise and all that tushie-wagging she does.  But instead it looks like the celery industry has finally gotten to Beyonce and filled her full of their lies.

Dance it off, sister.  Don't let them take you down with them!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Boycott: Fenland Celery

We have spoken before of the detrimental agricultural downsides of celery production.

To exacerbate this, celery producers in England are making the matter worse by trying to romanticize and thereby revitalized the movement toward Fenland celery which takes even MORE square footage of land to produce than regular supermarket celery.

We vehemently protest the use of Earth's resources for this abomination and urge you to boycott Fendland celery.

Thank you.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Wicked Plants

Amy Stewart is our latest hero here at the League for the Suppression of Celery.  She has written a book called Wicked Plants: The Weed that Killed Lincoln's Mother and other Botanical Atrocities and has included in it a section on the phototoxicity of celery which we brought to light several years ago.

We highly recommend you run right out and get this book and support Amy in her efforts to promote greater justice in the world of agriculture.

The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother and Other Botanical Atrocities. - See more at:
The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother and Other Botanical Atrocities. - See more at:
The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother and Other Botanical Atrocities. - See more at:

Boycott: Musician Kathleen Hanna

We were ready to fall in love with her, because we understand the sentiment about the sushi. Especially during those moments when we are at the safe house and have no access to it.

However, this?

What's your drink?
Dr. Brown's Cel-ray Soda.

The excerpt above is from New York Magazine's interview of musician Kathleen Hanna.  While we can appreciate her creativity and social sensitivities, the League for the Suppression of Celery does not condone her use or promotion of a product that glorifies the use of celery.

Call me a hysteric, but Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Soda is a gateway drug for the use of real celery, people.  Don't let its cute label fool you.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Try a Less Stupid Name

One of our members in San Francisco brought the company Airbrite to our attention.

They have a product they've named "Celery" because it's a pun on the word "sell" and they want to help you sell your stuff.

We aren't rocket scientists here at the League for the Suppression of Celery, but we know a stupid name when we hear it.  And if you want to be clever and try to SELL something, maybe you should use a pun that doesn't make people feel like vomiting when they hear it.  Maybe something inspiring and motivating.

Now, we realize on this blog we're sometimes really critical and possibly not always constructive.  So, in an effort to be more helpful, we have been sitting around over tea and donuts and spent some time brainstorming in order to help Airbrite out a little bit.

A few words that sound like SELL but don't make you want to vomit:


Take "celestify" as an example.  It's a verb that means "to make like heaven." It sounds like "sell" and therefore combines the best of both concepts -- selling something which makes your life like heaven because we live in a culture of rabid consumerism and buying things makes us more complete and also feel euphoric.

So, if you feel like they should change their name, please click straight over to the web site and give them your opinion on the matter.  Forthwith!