Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Full of Lies

It has come to our attention there is a book recently published that makes a mockery of everything we believe in.

This cannot, will not, must not be tolerated.

We currently have operatives in Arkansas investigating the situation and will report back as soon as we hear anything.

Until then, don't believe anything you read out there. This blog is the only source for THE REAL TRUTH about celery, not these other posers who might try to deceive you.

Do not be mislead by the pretty words or idyllic covers that lull you into a false sense of security.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Celery Car

A concerned citizen living in the northeastern part of the United States has brought the abomination to our attention:

We at the LSC have no idea what this is, but we can guarantee we have operatives checking into it.  Is it a child's toy?  Is it a horrific peanut butter delivery system?

Remember, it's insidious methods like this that people use to indoctrinate children into thinking celery is fun. CELERY IS NOT FUN.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Dangerous Strain of Celery

In the mid 80's scientists developed a new strain of celery that turned out to cause horrible reactions in the workers who had to pick it.

You can read more about it at New Scientist magazine.

Do you think you were harmfully affected by this plant in the 80's? Contact me about arranging a class action suit against celery growers.

There's another article about it here.

Photo credit: Stevie Lee

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Celery Hotline

Dom over at Dom's Weird News is doing a great job spreading the news about celery, the dastardly salad vegetable.

Apparently it has been banned by a British football club and they have even gone so far to make it a CRIME to use celery under certain circumstances. We're making progress, people!

You can read all about it on Dom's article about the Celery Hotline.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Celery Seed Recall

Last month there was a recall of organic celery seeds.  You can get more information from the Reuters news story.

Unless of course, it's silenced by Those Who Would Have You Think Celery is Okay.

You know who I mean...

Also, don't forget -- celery seed is used as a seasoning in a lot of salad dressings and spice mixes. READ YOUR INGREDIENTS, PEOPLE.

Unless, of course, you have a death wish. But, really, if you're suicidal, salmonella is probably not the best way to go anyway. Just don't do it.  Don't.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Rescue this Dog

It's not humiliating enough to be an unwanted puppy trapped in doggy jail. But then to be further demoralized by being named CELERY after the devil's vegetable?

For God's sake, someone go rescue this puppy and change her name.