Tuesday, July 14, 2009

ALERT: The Army is Amassing!

It has recently come to our attention that the pro-celery movement is amassing a huge army and doing a lot of celery PR. I am shocked at how blatant their activities are, as if they are just talking about something like curing cancer or raising toys for tots or other fine community building activities.

The article I'm about to show you is an example of how insidious their pro-celery activities are. The next thing you know they'll be serving celery in schools. (NEWS FLASH: My assistant editing this article pointed out to me that they are already serving celery in schools. TO OUR UNSUSPECTING CHILDREN! It's madness!)

So we have two boycott items: Wemerge Magazine and the American Celery Association

Spread the word... because these things might start jumping out at you from dark alleys and you need to know to protect yourself.


Heather Cherry said...

ACK! This is scary times indeed.

Anonymous said...

They also got a book published recently about George Taylor, the man who introduced celery farming to the USA. "From Kelso to Kalamazoo" should be burned, not read.

I searched on Amazon for some anti-celery books but couldn't find any. Are they winning this war?

glnroz said...

i just saw this blog this morning, after posting my HATE celery comment.. this is too funny,, glenn

Mari said...

This blog is hilarious! I must tell you that although my son would be thrilled to join your group, I could be labeled the enemy! I love to cook with celery and even spent many hours of my youth working on a celery farm!

Ginny said...

Mari , I knew there were other celery lovers out there. Join me at suppressing this evil association at http://nomoreceleryhaters.blogspot.com/

Wendy said...

The problem is you were probably infected with celery spores when you were young and impressionable and that's responsible for your bad behavior with celery now. Your judgment is unfairly repaired.

I recommend a celery detox!

Bugsy said...

I can't believe that the Celery Army is massing so soon! It must be stopped!

I've started a DC Metro chapter of the League for the Suppression of Celery at:

All in an effort to educate the public on the sinister machinations of celery!