Sesame Street

I have mentioned frequently the subversive and dangerous influence of people who are in charge of television programming for children.

We have recently unearthed from a vault another example of the insideous and blatant brainwashing that has occurred over the years -- this one a notable and well-respected show:  Sesame Street.  We had an inside track on this. It was procured by an industry insider for us. Thank you, whistleblowers everywhere.

Before you watch this, please send the children out of the room.  And also have air sickness bags at the ready.

Latest Inductee: Greg Manzer

I would like to proudly present our latest inductee into the League for the Suppression of Celery: Greg Manzer, chef of Bonterra Trattoria in Calgary, Canada.

Not only does he hate celery, he claims that it will never, ever show up in his restaurant, so if you're ever in Calgary, you can consider Bonterra Trattoria a safe place to visit.

Check out the interview of Glen Manzer by Kim Gray for the Calgary Herald.

Giant Celery

Apparently not only do we have to worry about the PROLIFERATION of celery, we also have to worry about celery in massive proportions.

At least you can see this one coming from a distance, it's not like they can slip it into your soup or anything, but once the momentum gets behind this thing it could be a killer.

We currently have a source that will hopefully be informing us as to the origins of the giant celery, where it's being grown, etc. As soon as I know something I will update you.  Until then -- continued vigilance, my friends!

Ventura County: The New Hot Spot

A recent report has come across my desk. It looks like Ventura County is our latest hot spot that needs attention. Cell leaders, please connect with me over your broadband voice connections to receive your new orders.

Read this as your background material before we talk:

http://www.vcstar.com/news/2011/jul/19/celery-takes-center-stage-in-crop-report/

Celery Damages Awarded: $1.1M

Joke all you want, but when the court awards $1.1M dollars as an award for tainted celery, you know it's time to start taking us seriously.

Seriously.

Check it:  http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/sangar-listeria-poisoning-lawsuit-award-19860/

The Great Royal Celery Conspiracy

Apparently, it's not enough that the English try to subjugate the entire world way back then and make us ruin our tea in the Boston Harbor and woo us with fancy weddings of the children and grandchildren of the Royal Family.

No, none of that is nearly subversive enough.

They have to take it one step further and offer Prince Charles's celery growing as a free tourist attraction where anyone, even children, could come across this public abomination.

Write the president, write your English ambassador. Tell them we will not tolerate this in-your-face behavior from a free world country.

Michele Bachman, Anti-Christ

I probably don't need to add a lot to this.  Watch the video, it will chill you to the BONE.



Get the word out. Bachman loves celery and she must be stopped. We can't have this business in the White House -- imagine at every turn large platters of celery everywhere.

Oh those celery loves are deviant and subversive.