Try a Less Stupid Name

One of our members in San Francisco brought the company Airbrite to our attention.

They have a product they've named "Celery" because it's a pun on the word "sell" and they want to help you sell your stuff.

We aren't rocket scientists here at the League for the Suppression of Celery, but we know a stupid name when we hear it.  And if you want to be clever and try to SELL something, maybe you should use a pun that doesn't make people feel like vomiting when they hear it.  Maybe something inspiring and motivating.

Now, we realize on this blog we're sometimes really critical and possibly not always constructive.  So, in an effort to be more helpful, we have been sitting around over tea and donuts and spent some time brainstorming in order to help Airbrite out a little bit.

A few words that sound like SELL but don't make you want to vomit:

CELEBRATE
CELESTIAL
EXCEL
EXCELLENT
SELF-WORTH
SELFLESS
SELECT
CELERITY
CELESTA
CELESTIFY

Take "celestify" as an example.  It's a verb that means "to make like heaven." It sounds like "sell" and therefore combines the best of both concepts -- selling something which makes your life like heaven because we live in a culture of rabid consumerism and buying things makes us more complete and also feel euphoric.

So, if you feel like they should change their name, please click straight over to the www.trycelery.com web site and give them your opinion on the matter.  Forthwith!

Snack Abomination

In an effort to make celery more palatable to children, we have these people, doing this thing: Celery Root Chips

Please, people, do not be fooled by the fact that they look so similar to potato chips.  In fact, consider this a call to more vigilant at parties where snacks are served because it's obvious that the celery lovers are trying to trick you into trying this snack abomination.

Also, just because you baked them instead of fried them doesn't mean it's any better.

Nice try, villains, but we're smarter than you think.