Boycott: Musician Kathleen Hanna

We were ready to fall in love with her, because we understand the sentiment about the sushi. Especially during those moments when we are at the safe house and have no access to it.

However, this?

What's your drink?

Dr. Brown's Cel-ray Soda.

The excerpt above is from New York Magazine's interview of musician Kathleen Hanna.  While we can appreciate her creativity and social sensitivities, the League for the Suppression of Celery does not condone her use or promotion of a product that glorifies the use of celery.

Call me a hysteric, but Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Soda is a gateway drug for the use of real celery, people.  Don't let its cute label fool you.

ALERT: The Army is Amassing!

It has recently come to our attention that the pro-celery movement is amassing a huge army and doing a lot of celery PR. I am shocked at how blatant their activities are, as if they are just talking about something like curing cancer or raising toys for tots or other fine community building activities.

The article I'm about to show you is an example of how insidious their pro-celery activities are. The next thing you know they'll be serving celery in schools. (NEWS FLASH: My assistant editing this article pointed out to me that they are already serving celery in schools. TO OUR UNSUSPECTING CHILDREN! It's madness!)

So we have two boycott items: Wemerge Magazine and the American Celery Association

Spread the word... because these things might start jumping out at you from dark alleys and you need to know to protect yourself.

Source: Miami New Times

Our Boycott Was a Success!

Our super secret boycott was a success. We had a very super secret grassroots boycott of Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Soda, a celery-flavored carbonated soda.

While we heap praises on Dr. Brown for his fabulous work in the area of very fine black cherry sodas, we can never forgive him for unleashing a beverage like Cel-Ray onto the unsuspecting world.

In addition, we feel that this type of marketing was irresponsibly geared toward small children who like to try new things, especially sugary sodas.

In any case, it's over now and I'd like to thank each and every one of you concerned citizens for doing your part to put down this menace.

Dr. Brown, next time you want to try a veggie flavored soda, we at the LSC will stand firmly behind any efforts you launch as long as it doesn't have celery as a flavor or ingredient.

Celery Magazine

There is a magazine in Toronto called Celery. It claims to be a "celebration of words, images and ideas by people dedicated to the rejuvenation of the arts, fashion, music and culture in and around the city of Toronto."

All I can say is keep it on your side of the border, Canada!

HOW YOU CAN HELP:

1) Boycott the magazine
2) Write letters to the editor and ask them to change the name of the magazine to something better like Eggplant or Baby Spring Mix Lettuce or Water Chestnut.
3) Begin a grassroots letter writing campaign for this magazine to be put on a watch list for border guards.
4) Encourage your Canadian friends to write letters to influential government officials to exert Celery magazine to change its name.

I would like to say that the LSC as a group is not unreasonable. We are not asking that Celery shut its doors for good. All we want is for them to cease and desist until that time that they can relaunch their magazine with a new title.

Please do what you can to help.

The Vegetable Orchestra

The Vegetable Orchestra, while interesting, fascinating and talented, are still abusers of that smelly salad vegetable we all love to hate. Celery bongos. Seriously.

On top of that, they use 155 pounds of vegetables per show that people in Africa could be eating. Except the celery.

If you want to see the Vegetable Orchestra, please call ahead and see if they are using the celery bongos in the show that night. If so, we at the LSC request that you boycott the show. If not, you can go as long as you donate a bag of rice or something to a starving foreign country. Or for that matter, a starving domestic country.