Dangerous Strain of Celery

In the mid 80's scientists developed a new strain of celery that turned out to cause horrible reactions in the workers who had to pick it.

You can read more about it at New Scientist magazine.

Do you think you were harmfully affected by this plant in the 80's? Contact me about arranging a class action suit against celery growers.

There's another article about it here.

Photo credit: Stevie Lee

Charlie Carlson Conspiracy Theory

1) Charlie Carlson is a writer who published a history booklet about celery farming in Florida.

2) There is a haunted celery field in Florida.

3) Charlie Carlson's grandmother was a spirit medium and a "communicator with the dead".

4) Charlie Carlson also wrote a book called "Weird Florida" in which he covers hauntings and other weird things in Florida.

I just dare any of you to tell me there's no connection between Charlie Carlson and the Haunted Celery Fields of Chapman Road.

Celery Magazine

There is a magazine in Toronto called Celery. It claims to be a "celebration of words, images and ideas by people dedicated to the rejuvenation of the arts, fashion, music and culture in and around the city of Toronto."

All I can say is keep it on your side of the border, Canada!

HOW YOU CAN HELP:

1) Boycott the magazine
2) Write letters to the editor and ask them to change the name of the magazine to something better like Eggplant or Baby Spring Mix Lettuce or Water Chestnut.
3) Begin a grassroots letter writing campaign for this magazine to be put on a watch list for border guards.
4) Encourage your Canadian friends to write letters to influential government officials to exert Celery magazine to change its name.

I would like to say that the LSC as a group is not unreasonable. We are not asking that Celery shut its doors for good. All we want is for them to cease and desist until that time that they can relaunch their magazine with a new title.

Please do what you can to help.

Weaponized Celery

What's up with this? As if it were not already obvious to everyone that celery is a menace to society, we have weaponized celery.

The growers of celery, secure of their masterful position in the food pyramid, go so far as to taunt those of us who know the real dangers.

Come on, people. If this isn't a wake-up call, I don't know what is.

Correlation Between Celery and Brain Damage

In startling news, it's been revealed by The Telegraph that there is a direct correlation between brain damage and an urge to eat celery. (See also: Evening Standard)

Richard Hammond, who appears on the popular show Top Gear, was in a severe auto crash in 2006. After the accident, in which he sustained brain damage, he suddenly developed a taste for celery.

Researchers indicate that, indeed, brain injury and brain inflammation can cause one to desire celery. THIS IS SCIENCE, PEOPLE.

So, if you feel yourself having a desire to eat the devil's vegetable, please run straight away to the emergency room or nearest critical care unit and ask for a brain scan.

This could save your life.